I love this ministry! I rarely have had any ministry experience that is more satisfying than my experience as a small group facilitator in For Men Only. It’s not rocket science, but is certainly a test of strength and character. What the men need is not someone who appears to have their act together, but a person of transparent vulnerability. A man of authenticity, who acknowledges his struggles and victories in the present tense, is the person who can successfully lead an FMO group. Men will respond to a man who acknowledges both his own strength’s and weaknesses.
SECURITY
So it begins with you. Making sure that when you open the meeting you are honest about how you are doing (the good, bad, and ugly) on this journey of faith. Men won’t feel safe to share their story if they don’t think their leader owns up to own his issues.
Your meeting location should afford the men a sanctuary (place of safety) to open up and be honest. We have found that homes help men feel more comfortable than church settings, but choose what works best for you. We have groups that men in homes and others that meet in church. There are a few rules that will help you to be successful.
Confidentiality: No sharing other men’s stories outside of the group. It’s more than okay to share what you gained out of the meeting but be sure to honor other’s honesty by keeping their story in the group.
Don’t try to fix others: No giving advice unless you are given permission to give the advice. Few things will cause a man to shut down quicker than unwanted advice. Besides there are many men who would rather work on your issues rather than their own. So remind the men they are here to work on their own healing.
When we break confidence, it will always be out of concern for others. Tell new men in your group that the only* time confidence will be broken will be if they ever threaten to harm themselves or others. Tell them you will directly notify the police.
ORDER
We believe that there are four main components to a For Men Only meeting. The usual length is two hours and is usually broken down as follows:
20 minutes of Fellowship. Men need to unwind and relax. If you serve snacks and beverages this would be a good place to have them available.
45 minutes for the curriculum. The main focus of For Men Only is transformation. Head knowledge is certainly important, but the greater growth happens not educationally but experientially. The curriculum we recommend is Pure Desire by Ted Roberts, Genesis Process by Michael Dye, and Wounded by Shame healed by Grace by Jeff VanVonderan.
50 minutes for accountability. Remember that accountability is given by the individual not demanded by the group. Here men not only share how their past week went and what’s coming up in the next week, it’s also a time for them to share how they are going to have a safety plan in place so they won’t act out and who will keep them accountable.
5 minutes of closing prayer. We want men to discover that God can be trusted and that he is for them.
If you have any questions you make contact Harry Flanagan at 503-661-4444 x. 372
Starting a For Men Only group