GroupsHealing 3 minutes to read

I recently saw a recording of my friend’s three year old son slugging a ball like Babe Ruth. Obviously, this child is a gifted athlete already. I was not that kid. I was not the kid you would choose first for most things, and in this case, your kickball team. I was skinny, weak, and likely to trip over my noticeably long feet. I was not a natural athlete, to say the least. As the captains would choose their teams for recess or P.E., I would stand in what felt like complete loneliness, awkwardly watching people avoid eye contact with me, waiting for my name to be called. I was well liked, but not if you wanted to win. I wished I could have just walked over to the team I wanted to be on. For me, being on a team was not about winning, but about belonging. It was about “being chosen.” 

Years later, I shifted my energies to the stage. Here, I was chosen. I found value, accolades, and a sense of belonging. Yet standing center stage, I still wrestled with “being seen.” 

I leaned into being that friend who listened and encouraged, yet couldn’t share my own pain, positioning myself to have feelings of not “being heard.”

I married to avoid the pitfalls of dating and committed myself to loving one man for the rest of my life. When he had an affair, I spiraled into an abyss of not “being enough.”

Each one of these events shaped my perception of myself and my relationships with others. If my life is filtered with feelings of not being chosen, seen, heard, and being enough, why in the world would I choose to enter into a group setting for healing? The answer is because we are created to heal in the environments that broke us; so we can reframe our experience and draw a new narrative.  

In a Pure Desire group I experienced:

  • Being chosen. I became a part of an alliance which reduced risk and increased reward. 
  • Being seen. This is different than being noticed. It was a wake up call to being known and knowing myself more deeply, which produced self-confidence.
  • Being heard. This resulted in being understood and that equated to feeling respected. 
  • Being enough. Experiencing an environment of acceptance quieted my inner critic and created a feeling of being valued.

If you knew that joining a healing group would create new, healthy filters in which you see your life, what would keep you from running toward the very thing you are longing for? Maybe, you just need a little nudge. 


I have rarely spoken to a single soul who didn’t say, “This process was life-changing and transformational.” Transformation positions us to influence the world around us and generates a legacy that is honoring to God. It aligns us with our true identity in Christ and equips us to live the life He has intended for us. 

Isn’t this where we want to be? In the middle of God’s best for us, surrounded by a community that supports our journey and new found freedom. 

It’s why I am here. It is why I’m writing this blog. I am confident in many things. I am most confident of this: you are not reading this by accident. You are being called to engage in a process of next level healing. 

You are now in a position to choose your team! No athleticism required!

Jennifer Howie

Jennifer is the Groups Care Coordinator for Pure Desire and is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Seven years ago, she and her husband went through the Pure Desire Clinical Program. She has led several women’s groups and has served as a Regional Group Advisor. Jennifer is currently a certified Pure Desire online group leader. She is passionate about walking alongside couples, with her husband, as proof that the Pure Desire process works!

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