A Day In The Life Of A Betrayed Spouse: Healthy

A Day In The Life Of A Betrayed Spouse: Healthy

by Heather Kolb November 29, 2018 1 Comment


5:45am

I wake up to my alarm. Still laying in bed, I slowly breathe in and out while saying to myself, “I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me.” I repeat this a bunch of times before getting out of bed.

6:15am

I make my coffee and sit quietly, listening to some soft worship music before the chaos of the day begins. I hear my husband in the shower. I wonder if I should make him coffee or if he wants to stop for coffee on his way to work? He has done well setting healthy guardrails around areas of temptation recently. I’ll ask him when he comes to the kitchen.

6:30am

Getting the kids off to school is pretty routine—get up, brush your teeth, get dressed and ready for school, eat breakfast, grab lunch and snacks, and out the door. This morning isn’t any different, constantly having to keep them on task, so they’re not late for school. I start to feel frustrated, but I remind myself, children are a blessing from God and he has entrusted me to parent them well.   

7:30am

I do some small-talk with the other moms while dropping off the kids at school. So many moms throw on their “happy face” for others—they must not know that we can see right through it.

8:00am

Before having my second coffee of the day with a friend, I check the Friend Locator on my phone to make sure my husband is at work. My husband and I both use this app, so that we always know where to find each other. While hanging out with my friend, I'm fully engaged in the conversation. I am so thankful for my dear friend and the time we get to spend together.

9:30am

I planned to clean the house and finish the laundry. I should have stopped at the grocery store on my way home, but I didn’t have a list. I’ll make a list while I clean and stop at the store before I pick up the kids. If I stay on task this morning, I should also have time to work on my group homework.

12:20pm

I received a call from a friend in my group, she was upset and needed to talk. I’m so thankful I've stayed on top of my morning plans, so I could give her the time she needed. As we prayed about her situation, I also prayed that God would protect my family and my marriage; that he would shield my husband from temptation and me from anxiety.

1:30pm

With my list in hand, I quickly gathered groceries and headed to the checkout line. Looking at all the magazines—the beautiful women, with perfect figures, elegant hairstyles, and flat tummies—used to be a trigger for me. But now, as I wait in line, I say a short prayer for every woman on the cover of the magazines: that God would bless their lives and that if they haven’t already, that they would have a relationship with Him.

3:00pm

While driving, I check my husband’s location and he’s not at work. My battery dies before I can identify where he is at. I've probably spent too much time on my phone today anyways. I start to feel anxious and scramble to find my charger to plug in my phone. I remember Philippians 4:6 and say it out loud. I pray that God will protect my mind and heart: although I’m feeling afraid and insecure, I don’t have enough information and need to trust God. I continue breathing and meditating on the Lord as I drive to pick up my kids from school. They are noisy and rambunctious. I ask about their day and we have a great conversation on the drive home.

3:30pm

At home, I check my husband’s location and remember that he’s at a doctors appointment, one that has been on the calendar since he scheduled it two months ago. I take a minute to breathe and thank the Lord for protecting me—in the past, I would've totally freaked out and called my husband a dozen times. My son accidentally dropped a bowl on the floor creating a glassy mess. I made sure he was safe and told him it was no big deal; it’s just a bowl. I quickly cleaned up the mess and played with the kids before making dinner.

5:00pm

When my husband got home, he seemed a bit irritable. I suggested that he go unwind for a few minutes before dinner. I tried not to take anything personally or try to fix him. As I finished getting dinner ready, I said a quick prayer that God would give my husband peace and that we would have a relaxing evening as a family. When my husband came back to the kitchen, he was in a better mood. He told me about the stress of his day and how his doctor appointment went. He then asked about my day. I’m so thankful we can talk openly about our lives. This was not always the case, but we definitely are learning what it takes to be in a healthy relationship.

5:30pm

Dinner was a great time of family connection. The kids were eager to tell their dad all the details of their day. We laughed. We discussed our plans for the coming weekend: the kid’s games, school projects, church activities, and maybe going to a movie. Our weekends are always busy, but we’re living life together.

6:30pm

My husband and kids cleaned up dinner. I took a few minutes to scroll social media until they finished up. We both helped the kids with their school work and then played a game as a family.

8:00pm

My husband and I both put the kids to bed. This is new: it gives us a chance to talk and pray with them individually. It helps us to stay connected to our kids and know what they’re going through. We want our kids to know that we are not perfect parents, that we’ve made mistakes, but we love them and want to be a safe relationship for them.

9:00Pm

After my husband works on his group homework, we take time to snuggle on the couch and watch a show. I love this time with him. It hasn’t always been this way. We are learning how to be in relationship—open, honest, and vulnerable—one day at a time.


HEATHER KOLB

Heather is the Content Editor and Neuroscience Professional on staff at Pure Desire. She has a Bachelor's in Psychology and a Master's Degree in Criminal Behavior. Heather worked several years as a college professor prior to joining Pure Desire. She is an integral part of our speaking team and is the co-author of Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation.





1 Response

Julie
Julie

November 29, 2018

As a betrayed spouse, I hope that I can get to the place where my day looks like this, but I’ll have to say that this is not an accurate reflection of what my day looks like yet.

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