GroupsHealing 4 minutes to read

We never really know what people have been through. As we interact with others—those we meet for the first time and may never see again or those who may become lifelong friends—we often don’t know what they have experienced. We may wonder, What things have shaped their lives and contributed to who they are today?

At Pure Desire, we recognize the importance of sharing our story. This is why, recently, we asked people to share their story with us. 

I had been meeting with a good friend when he and I had a deep conversation about our struggles. He then told me that he knew a friend who had finished a PD group and wanted to lead one. Within a few weeks, five of us were on the journey of a lifetime! I have gone through the whole PD study with a group. During that time, I often listened to the PD podcasts too.
The pivotal moment I discovered healing was possible happened on two occasions. The first was a couple months into the study. I had shared some information with my wife that led to the scariest conversations we’ve ever had. The second time was when my wife and I had the full disclosure talk. I shared things with her that I had never shared before. My wife supported me and encouraged me through the whole thing. After it all, I knew that we could overcome anything and I no longer needed to hide.
Every time I share my story, I am reminded of the journey that has changed my life. I’m constantly reminded that change and healing can happen when God is in control and I choose to be honest with those around me.
I want to support and encourage other men in hiding. I know how terrible that feeling is. It was physically causing me to be sick. No one should live this way. And the ones we love deserve so much better.


This could be a friend at church, a parent at your child’s school, a longtime college friend, or a close co-worker. Sometimes, these stories are so hard to share that we all live in isolation from one another, hiding our past.

While we were separated, my husband told me he heard about a ministry that could help us. Once I was ready to start my own healing, I researched Pure Desire and found a local Betrayal & Beyond group.
I participated in my first group in 2017, attended the PD Conference in 2018, and led a group which just finished in May 2020. I have read Exposed, Mended, and Peace Beyond the Tears. I have also listened to countless podcasts.
The pivotal moment I discovered healing was possible was once I attended a group and learned that I was not alone on this journey! That other women in similar circumstances were struggling with the pain and trauma that I was. Also, learning about sexual addiction, how the brain becomes hijacked, and that my husband had very deep wounds.
By sharing my story, I have released the shame and power it had over me. It also helped me process what I was going through and gave me comfort knowing I wasn’t alone. A powerful connection is made when I share my story and know that the other person gets it.
If I can make it through the devastation of sexual addiction, anyone can. I know this was possible through Christ and I want to help as many women as I can get through this extremely painful time in their life.


When we embark on our healing with others, in a safe, grace-filled group, it changes us. We experience a sense of love and belonging like never before.

I found the PD website through research online. I have been involved in counseling, groups, online groups, read PD books, and listened to podcasts.
The pivotal moment in my healing happened at the first meeting with my PD counselor during my evaluation. For the first time, he helped open my eyes and see my addiction in a different way. I actually saw God’s grace for me and realized that it wasn’t all my fault—that my mind was ultimately trying to help me by medicating the pain in different ways.
When I share my story, it is using my experiences and journey to help encourage other guys; letting them know it’s okay and they are not alone. It helps me to be more vulnerable and open.
I want to bring awareness to other men and guys in the church that we don’t have to live like this. That we were never meant to be Christians who cope with life, but that we were meant to have life. I want to let them know freedom is possible!


This is what freedom looks like!

When we share our story, it not only offers hope to others, but it changes us. We no longer feel the need to hide in isolation. The pain and shame that kept us from relationship with God and others are lifted off us. 

As we continue on the path toward healing, filled with new experiences of connection and purpose, we are transformed into the person God created us to be. 

Do you have a story to share? If so, take a few minutes and briefly answer the questions on this form. It will give us a snapshot of God’s grace and healing in your life.

We would love to hear from you!

The views, opinions, and ideas expressed in this blog are those of the author alone and do not reflect an official position of Pure Desire Ministries, except where expressly stated.

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Heather Kolb

Heather is the Content Manager and neuroscience professional for Pure Desire. She has a Bachelor’s in Psychology, a Master’s in Criminal Behavior, and is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Heather has been trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) through The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She worked several years as a college professor prior to joining Pure Desire. She is an integral part of our speaking team and co-authored Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation and Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships.

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