HealingRecovery 3 minutes to read

If you struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you’ve experienced betrayal, this will sound all too familiar. And, if you’ve never been able to make relationships work but can’t figure out why, this might be the solution you’ve been looking for.

One of the major misconceptions about dealing with unwanted sexual behaviors is understanding that this issue is not about sex. Men and women who struggle don’t simply have an overactive or insatiable sex drive. It’s not about their lack of sex or dissatifaction with their spouse. It’s really about something much deeper that affects their core beliefs about themselves and their identity. 

For the betrayed spouse, it’s hard to not take all of this personally. We think: If I were more attractive…or in better shape…or thinner…or more fun and adventurous…I would be able to meet all their sexual needs. It’s hard to understand that our spouse’s behavior is not about us when it feels like it’s about us. 

When it comes to relationship issues, it’s difficult to see how our sexual brokenness affects how we behave in relationships. This is true whether we are single, married, or single again. We want to have healthy relationships but don’t know where to start. 

If unwanted sexual behavior is not about sex, then what is it about? 

Check out this clip from Sexual Integrity 101:

I cannot tell you how many times this has happened, but it’s been a common occurrence. The Pure Desire team shows up at a church to provide our two-day conference, and then, a couple sessions in, we start to hear these comments:

  • “I thought this was going to be about sexual addiction, but it’s so much more!”
  • “I wish my spouse could have heard this—it would have helped them.”
  • “Whether they struggle or not, everyone should hear this!”
  • “This applies to so many areas of life, not just unwanted sexual behavior and betrayal.”
  • “You have taken a very complex topic and explained it in a very understandable way.”
  • “This is a firehose of information but so life-changing—do you have this on video?”

You guessed it! We took all our best content from the Pure Desire Conference and put it into a video course: Sexual Integrity 101. This 8-week course walks you through the various factors that contribute to unwanted sexual behaviors, addresses issues of betrayal trauma, and provides several tools that are foundational to the healing process. 

With this course, we’re starting the conversation and breaking down stereotypes. Both men and women struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors. Both men and women have experienced betrayal. Both men and women can find healing. 

The testimonies are amazing! Listen to this:

We love the conference content, but took this opportunity to make it even better! We invited experts in the field of healthy sexuality to participate. Then, to give it a very personal touch, we interviewed several individuals and couples who have been through the process and experienced this life-changing health and freedom. Now, not only are they living with sexual integrity, they are passing it on to others. 

At Pure Desire, we are so passionate about helping men and women find hope and healing, we’ve even created a workbook—a guide, if you will—that follows the video course. It provides illustrations and space for notes, includes discussion questions, and allows you to put our best tips and tools into practice. 

When people decide to get healthy, it’s amazing to see God work. Watch this:

This is the 101—the place to start if you want to gain a greater understanding of what’s really happening with those who struggle. For men, women, church leaders, parents, students, and more. This is the first step in educating yourself and others on how to create a healing ministry in your church, community, and home. 

Whether you struggle with unwanted sexual behavior, have experienced betrayal trauma, or want to help others find healing, Sexual Integrity 101 is for you! 

Finding hope, healing, and freedom just got easier. 

Heather Kolb

Heather is the Content Manager and neuroscience professional for Pure Desire. She has a Bachelor’s in Psychology, a Master’s in Criminal Behavior, and is a certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Heather has been trained in the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM) through The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She worked several years as a college professor prior to joining Pure Desire. She is an integral part of our speaking team and co-authored Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation and Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships.

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