It seems that the very time we want to slow down, to savor the meaning of the Christmas season, we become burdened with expectations, responsibilities, and triggers that recall painful attempts at connections gone wrong and broken relationships. We feel exhausted instead of excited, fearful instead of faithful, hopeless instead of hopeful. 

All of these can result in increased desires to numb out and cope, as well as looking for ways to increase control so that we aren’t blindsided by more trauma and triggers. Unfortunately, these attempts to avoid pain usually result in missed opportunities for intimacy with loved ones and loss of joy. As always with the Gospel, there is good news and hope, and it starts with a baby.

Most of us know Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:3 (NIV):

Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Further, Matthew 19:14 says,

Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

However, for those of us with childhood trauma, being a vulnerable child resulted in harm and pain. This is where we learned how to hide in one form or another for safety, cover our pain, and mask our vulnerability. Even when we grow up and are no longer vulnerable to the ones who hurt us as children, the protections we learned stay alive and well, to protect us from further injury. 

So, the question becomes: how do we become like little children when being a child resulted in so much pain? 

The answer becomes clearer when we look at the characteristics of unburdened, uninjured, and healthy children. 

Children are created vulnerable. They rely on others to feed, attend to, notice, and love them. They are curious, free to explore their environments, and love doing so. They crave relationships. They have a strong capacity for joy, and when they are afraid, they freely go to their parents or caregivers for help. They are humble, unafraid of showing fear, anger, or other so-called “negative” emotions. They are quick to try to repair breaches in connection because they trust their caregivers and know that they are protected and loved. Oh, to have been born into such a family!

Sadly, most of us were not born into such a family. Most of us are still trying to recover from wounds from the past. We are still trying to unlearn false beliefs and coping behaviors and learn the truth. Some of us are still struggling to put off the weight of sin and take off the masks that have hidden our past pain. 

And here’s the good news: even in the middle of our healing journey, we can still find joy and hope and become like little children! 

Let’s look to Jesus as our example. He was born in a stable. His parents were betrothed but not yet married, in what appeared to be a sinful beginning. He grew up in humble circumstances, obeyed his parents, sought his Father, and submitted to authority, even though His authority was greater. He was honest with His disciples, enjoying their company and quick to listen. He was unafraid to cry or be angry, nonjudgmental, and kind. Finally, He chose not to be defensive and chose self-protection. He could have chosen power but chose humility. He could have chosen majesty but chose meekness. He could have chosen self-preservation but chose self-sacrifice. He went from conception to the cradle, from the cradle to the cross, and from the cross to Glory. And it all started as a child. 

What can I take away from Jesus’ example? I may not be able to undo the pain of the past, but I can be humble. I can be obedient and honest, even when it’s difficult. I can listen to others with genuineness and love. I can show and share my emotions with vulnerability and kind consideration. I can rediscover my curiosity by exploring my surroundings and relationships and take the first step toward restoring connection. Finally, I can relearn to trust my heavenly Father and do the next right thing, even when it feels scary.

How will we know that being childlike (not childish!) is working? We will know in small steps, much like learning to walk again. We will begin to feel gratitude. We will start to enjoy the company of others more. We will run toward, not away from, difficult conversations, because the result of the conversations is closer connection. We will begin to feel more comfortable being authentic and vulnerable, perhaps even knowing for the first time what our authentic selves are truly like. We will start to love more deeply, preferring that over isolation. Finally, we will start to enjoy life and find our joy.

Rediscovering being childlike cannot be done on our own. We need God. We need the manger. Meekness over power. Quietness, curiosity, confidence in God, and trust. Doing the next right thing. When we choose the low road, we gain everything.

Just as Jesus told Martha, in Luke 10:41-42, when she was striving and stressing and Mary was sitting at His feet, “…you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

This holiday season, make the decision to slow down, to do something childlike. You may not be able to let down all of your guards, but what is one thing you can do?