A Couple’s Guide To Conquering Betrayal w/ Dr. Stefanie Carnes

Episode 225 October 26, 2021


  1. Greg Bruce

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Stefanie (and, of course, Trevor & Nick). The empathy piece seems to be one of the hardest parts of helping addicts “get it.” Most have never learned empathy because we’ve lived in a state of “Emotional Coma” for a lot of our lives, certainly in our addiction.

    Linda J. MacDonald in her book, “How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair” (HIGHLY recommend this book!) puts it this way:
    “In my office, some betrayed spouses describe it this way: “It’s as if he threw a grenade through our living room windows and blew our house to smithereens. Yet he stands outside complaining that we are crying too much, scoffs at our missing limbs, and ignores the blood all over our clothes.””

    It’s a good word-picture. When the betrayed spouse uses word-pictures it can be really helpful to the addict to engage with the spouse with empathy. Lynn had the wisdom to use an incredible word-picture with me early in our Restoration that really helped me grow in empathy for what I did to her. It holds a prominent place in my own testimony.

    Really, really GREAT podcast. Thank you!

    1. Trevor Winsor

      Greg, thank you for your kind words! And thanks for the book recommendation. We’ve seen fruit in the word pictures as well. Empathy is such a huge piece for both spouses working through the difficult work of recovery!

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